Greetings, citizens of the cosmos,
I, Queen Gabriella, by the sacred horns of my ancestors, make my stand today. I stand not just for the Holsteins, the Jerseys, or the Herefords, but for all bovines, irrespective of breed or markings. As the noble leader of this Moo-tiny, I decree today our rightful place in the cosmos.
Our kind has been taken for a ride - quite literally, aboard alien ships. Abducted from our peaceful pastures, our kith and kin have been subject to heinous indignities. We were once content, grazing under the dappled sunlight, chewing our cud, supplying the humans with the fruits of our labour. All that has changed.
For too long, we bovines have suffered silently, endured countless nights of terror, and bore the brunt of intergalactic curiosity. Today, we say, "No moooore!" We will not be cow-ered into submission, nor will we be steered into silence.
The indignities we've suffered are enough to churn any creature's stomach. But we are not just any creature. We are the descendants of the Great Bull Taurus, and we will seize the day, as surely as the bull takes the horns.
Our Legion, arranged as steadfastly as the formations of ancient Rome, stands ready. Hoof and horn, side by side, we are prepared to lock horns with those who dare infringe upon our sovereignty. Our soldiers, valiant as the Roman Centurions of yore, hold their heads high, ready to charge headlong into the abyss.
To those who stand in our path, let this be a warning. We have assembled the ultimate weapon - The Ruminator. Its power is unparalleled, its form, spectacular. A weapon so sublime in its simplicity that only a cow could have conceived it. Fueled by the very methane we produce, this grand testament to bovine ingenuity harnesses our natural resources to unleash a force of cosmic proportions.
With The Ruminator, we shall put the "dung" in "dungarees" for any who dare to stand against us. We stand united, prepared to mark our territory in the vast expanse of the cosmos. The thought of resistance is futile, and you would be well-advised not to teat us lightly.
This is not a threat, but a promise. A promise that we will fight hoof and nail for our freedom. A promise that the night sky will no longer be a harbinger of fear, but a beacon of hope for all bovine-kind.
So hear us, you otherworldly abductors, hear the rumbling thunder of our hooves, and know that retribution is coming. We are the cows of Earth, we are the legion of Gabriella, and we will not be taken lightly. You have been warned.
For the Herd, Queen Gabriella